Who Holds the Scepter in Marriage? When the Indian Guru Meets the Jewish Day of Love

Divine Providence Begins on WhatsApp

When you engage with the teachings of the holy Baal Shem Tov, founder of the Chassidic movement, you know that nothing happens by chance. Every scrap of information, every encounter and every message that comes our way arrives through precise hashgachah pratit, personal Divine providence, to teach us something about serving God and about the inner dimension of life.
This week I received several warm, open-hearted messages from Indians who arrived in our area this year.
They have become acquainted with Judaism, feel drawn to it, and believe it is a path of truth. Since they have my WhatsApp number, they sent me heartfelt blessings and declared me their "guru" — no less.
(It reminded me of Jacob's request to Joseph — "Please do not bury me in Egypt" — for he feared the Egyptians would turn him into one more object of idol worship…
I have explained to them more than once that in Judaism, a spiritual teacher is never an object of worship. Changing that perception is quite a challenge…)
Through this exchange I discovered that at this season's full moon — in perfect sync with Tu B'Av, the fifteenth of the Hebrew month of Av and the Jewish day of love — India celebrates a day of gratitude and tribute to its spiritual teachers and gurus.

When two such days land together on the calendar, you cannot help but ask: what is the deep connection between love, spiritual leadership and adoration?

Adoration at the Feet versus Equality Face to Face

When you observe how the East celebrates its day of the guru, a complex picture emerges. The way to honor a guru or a monk is to prostrate oneself at his feet and kiss them, to garland him with flowers and to bring offerings. The disciple shrinks himself down to the dust before an exalted figure, raised above the people, who often does not even look him in the eye.
The East has turned spiritual leadership into a kind of flesh-and-blood divinity — something that erases the very idea of "face to face."

Judaism, by contrast, is utterly opposed to kneeling and bowing before flesh and blood. "Face to face (panim b'fanim) God spoke with you" — the Holy One, blessed be He, seeks no erasure of one human being before another, only bowing and surrender to Him alone; and even that, so that in the Redemption we may arrive at a state of "face to face." In the true Divine relationship we are all in the same boat, all on the same plane, and all of us need the love and the help of the Creator.

The Spiritual Teacher in the Jewish Home: Mutual Inspiration

And here the wondrous connection to the day of love and to the Jewish home comes into focus.
In Judaism, the marriage bond is not merely a technical framework; it is the highest spiritual laboratory there is.
In the Jewish home, husband and wife are each other's spiritual teachers — but within a relationship of "face to face":
The woman as spiritual teacher: On one side, the Holy One, blessed be He, tells Abraham our father: "Whatever Sarah tells you, heed her voice." Our Sages teach that Abraham was secondary to Sarah in prophecy. The Holy One, blessed be He, speaks to a man through his wife's intuition, her purity and her extra measure of understanding. She is the channel through which God directs and guides him.

The man as spiritual teacher: On the other side, the man is commanded to study Torah. His role is to bring Divine wisdom into the home, to awaken inspiration, holiness and a spirit of purity, and to be a spiritual guide who brings stability and grounded knowledge.

There is no rank of "guru" raised above the people here, no disciple trampled beneath his feet. There are two partners who look each other in the eye, as equals — leading and guiding one another, watching over one another, completing one another.
While the religions of the East bow to a monastic, secluded guru, Judaism builds a bond of unity and mutuality.

The Illusion of Surrender versus Deep Inner Work

On the face of it, surrendering ourselves entirely to a dominant spouse — or, in an altogether different realm, to a guru who runs our life for us — can look like the easiest, simplest path. It is a tempting way to lift responsibility off our own shoulders and hand it to someone who seems stronger than we are.
But the truth is that a real "face to face" relationship offers no shortcuts. Reaching such an encounter demands real work: effort, prayer, the refinement of our character traits, and a long inner road.
On that note, I want to share that just this week we completed a packed month-long course devoted entirely to learning how to arrive at a state of "face to face."
That path included hitbonenut — Jewish meditation — every morning, hours of in-depth study each day, personal work and inner creativity. And in that work something wondrous happened: together with the students, we felt how, step by step, a true "face to face" bond was being built — with God, with ourselves and with the people around us.
We closed this special month with a wonderful, moving performance by the singer and artist Tamir Bar, held on Tu B'Av itself — the day of love.
Redemption Begins with a Gaze

Reaching "face to face" takes work — but it is the most rewarding work there is. When two partners surrender and bow only to the Holy One, blessed be He, they clear a space for the Shechinah, the Divine Presence, to dwell between them. Out of that direct gaze a healthy, pure and true bond of love is built — an engine that drives the personal redemption of every home, and from there the redemption of the entire people.

May we merit to see all the sons and daughters of Israel building and sustaining faithful homes,

and may the nations of the world merit to learn and fulfill the portions of the Torah that are theirs, recognizing their own need to refine the aspirations of their souls.